


Not a Disaster

by lincyclopedia



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, First Kiss, First Meetings, Getting Together, Homophobia, M/M, Malcolm Grimm is an Asshole, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Limited, Present Tense, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27200353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lincyclopedia/pseuds/lincyclopedia
Summary: It's Simon's first year at Watford University, and he's not sure if he wants to meet his soulmate, because his Words are quite frankly disappointing, to say the least. But then his roommate walks into the room on move-in day and says Simon's Words.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 11
Kudos: 192
Collections: Carry On Fall Exchange 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chiara_scuro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiara_scuro/gifts).



> [chiara_scuro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiara_scuro/pseuds/chiara_scuro), I hope you like it! I'll try to get chapter two up tomorrow!

The only good thing about Simon’s Words is that they’re low on his hip, in a spot he doesn’t have to display to the public on a regular basis. Agatha saw them, once, shortly before she broke up with Simon, that ill-conceived night when they’d gone further than either of them really wanted to. Seeing the words was the only thing that made Agatha seem remotely happy, that night; she laughed harder than Simon had ever seen when she realized that his hip said, in neat cursive, “Well, this is going to be a fucking disaster.” Simon was kind of offended at the time, but even in the moment there was also a sense of relief; no matter how miserable he and Agatha were, she probably wasn’t permanently traumatized by anything that happened between them. 

Simon is honestly not sure whether he wants to meet his soulmate or not. You’re meant to want to meet your soulmate, of course; nearly everyone who meets their soulmate stays with them for life, and most of them claim to be very happy. But on the other hand, most people’s Words aren’t “Well, this is going to be a fucking disaster.” These days, most people’s Words are actually garbled nonsense, because it’s so much easier to figure out who your soulmate is if they say, “Green cherry cheesecake goes great with moon dust,” rather than, “Hi!” upon first meeting you. The fact that Simon has a sentence that actually makes _sense_ suggests he’s going to piss his soulmate off so thoroughly that the person will forget their trademark nonsense and say what they mean instead. Which doesn’t exactly bode well, but then, since when has anything in Simon’s life boded well?

But he’s somehow gotten into Watford University on a scholarship, and Mr. and Mrs. Bunce are helping him move in, which is terribly kind of them, even if it is fairly easy since Penny is also attending Watford. Simon doesn’t have much stuff, but Penny does, enough so that four people plus all of Penny and Simon’s stuff is far too much to fit in one car, so Penny and her mother take one of the Bunces’ cars while Simon and Mr. Bunce ride in the other. They all help unload Penny’s stuff first, Penny grumbling all the while about how sexist it is that the first year girls’ dorm is called the Cloisters, and then Penny stays to get to know her roommate, Trixie, while her parents take Simon to Mummers, the first year boys’ dorm. 

The Bunces have just left, having helped Simon bring his boxes into his dorm, and Simon is starting to unpack, his dingy secondhand belongings strewn everywhere, when the door bangs open. A boy with dark, slicked-back hair stands in the doorway. He takes one look at Simon and the room, sneers, and says, “Well, this is going to be a fucking disaster.” Then he claps a hand over his mouth and says, “Wait, fuck. Latin is the llama of languages.” 

Simon’s mouth drops open when he hears his Words. He knows what he’s meant to say, because it’s what he’s been saying every time he’s met a new peer since he was a child, and it’s _On a scale from emptiness to scones, today is roast beef_ , but somehow what comes out of his mouth is “I thought it was going to be a girl.” 

He and the boy—his roommate? Oh no, this is probably his roommate—stare at each other, frozen in horror, for a few suspended moments before someone in the hall calls, “Basil? You do have the right room, don’t you?” 

The boy turns in the direction of the voice. “Yes, Father.” 

Simon finds he can move now, too. “I thought my roommate was going to be named Tyrannus.” 

The boy rolls his eyes. “You thought a lot of things, didn’t you? And I am named Tyrannus.” He puts the emphasis on the first syllable, whereas Simon emphasized the second. “Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. Most people call me Basil or Baz.” 

An older man who looks a lot like Baz walks into the room just then, carrying a box. He gives the room a once-over similar to the one Baz gave, and then he says, “Well. Are you Simon?”

“Yes, sir,” says Simon. 

“Malcolm Grimm,” says the man, holding out a hand for Simon to shake. Simon shakes it, surprised by the strength of Mr. Grimm’s grip. 

When Mr. Grimm lets go of Simon’s hand, Simon gets back to unpacking on his side of the room; Baz and his father work quietly on the other side, unloading Baz’s (significantly more numerous) boxes, which are full of significantly more expensive belongings. Mercifully, Penny texts Simon to meet her for dinner while Baz and Mr. Grimm are still unpacking, so Simon finds his way to the dining hall, meets Penny in the hall outside, and then loads up multiple plates when he realizes the dining hall is an all-you-can-eat buffet. When he and Penny sit down, Simon lets Penny talk for a while about the classes she’s excited for and how she already suspects Trixie will get on her nerves, while Simon focuses on eating. 

After Simon has cleared his second plate and Penny has been talking for over ten minutes straight, Penny finally asks, “How about you? How was meeting your roommate?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s my soulmate,” says Simon. 

“What?” says Penny. “I didn’t know you liked guys.” 

“Neither did I,” says Simon. “I actually still kind of don’t think I do. But he walked into the room, took one look at me, and said, ‘Well, this is going to be a fucking disaster,’ and you know those are my Words. And then he said what must be his introduction phrase, something about Latin and llamas, but it was too late; he’d already said my Words. And I was so surprised to hear them, especially from a guy, that I forgot to say _my_ introduction phrase, and instead I said, ‘I thought it was going to be a girl,’ and I’m pretty sure those are _his_ Words, because we both froze and just stared at each other until his father walked in.” 

“That sounds awkward,” says Penny. 

“Tell me about it,” says Simon. 

“So have you talked?” Penny asks. 

“No. His father was still there when you texted me about dinner. I’m sure we’ll talk at some point. I mean, we can’t _not_ , right? Even if I don’t really want to.” 

“Right,” says Penny. “You definitely need to talk.” 

Simon spots a soft-serve ice cream machine just then, effectively cutting off further conversation. He gets chocolate and vanilla swirl and manages to stack his dishes and put them away one-handed while licking his ice cream cone. Penny grabs his cup and stacks it with hers so that he doesn’t have to worry about that, and once they’ve both bused their dishes they exit the dining hall and head back to their separate dorms, because both Mummers and the Cloisters have hall meetings scheduled for that night to ensure everyone knows the dorm rules. 

At the hall meeting, Simon sits across the lounge from Baz, not wanting to get too close before he has to. Each first year receives a student handbook and a separate piece of paper listing items that aren’t allowed in dorms—spider lamps, candles, hot plates, electric blankets, extension cords, and basically anything else that could catch fire, plus guns and illegal drugs. Simon skims the list while his RA talks; he doesn’t own any of the forbidden items, so he thinks he’ll be fine. He’s much more worried about dealing with his soulmate than about running afoul of his RA or hall director. 

After the meeting, Simon watches Baz leave the building—maybe he hasn’t eaten yet? In any case, it’s apparently not yet time for their confrontation—so Simon texts Penny, who tells him there’s a movie being shown out on the quad. Simon looks at his campus map to make sure he won’t get lost, even though the quad is pretty large and central and would be hard to miss, and then heads outside. 

The movie is something Pixar, and Simon knows it’s only the first years and their RAs who are on campus right now, but seriously they’re all 18 years old and keeping it PG really isn’t necessary. But he winds up having a good time anyway, letting Penny lean against him as they lounge on the towels she brought to sit on. When the movie ends, everyone claps and then scatters. Simon thinks about staying out on the quad, just to delay having to talk to Baz, but the mosquitos are starting to get bad, so he hugs Penny good night and returns to Mummers. 

Baz is reading on his bed when Simon enters the room. “Deigning to grace me with your presence?” says Baz, arching an eyebrow but not looking up from the book. 

Simon kicks his shoes off. “You weren’t coming back here after the hall meeting. There was a movie playing on the quad and my best friend was already going to see it. Was I supposed to just come back here and wait for you?”

“You’ve already made it clear you don’t want me, so . . .” 

“I didn’t say that,” says Simon. 

“Oh? Is there something else I was supposed to glean from ‘I thought it was going to be a girl’?” Baz asks, putting his book down as real anger creeps into his voice. 

“I was _surprised_ , okay?” says Simon. “I’ve never given a lot of thought to my orientation, but I grew up in foster care and there were things it wasn’t safe to be and questions it wasn’t safe to ask, you know? I had a girlfriend in high school and that was fine even though we weren’t soulmates and I figured I liked girls. Which I still think I do. That doesn’t mean I don’t like guys. It’s just that not all of us grow up in a place where it’s safe to even think about—”

“You think it’s safe for me to be out?” Baz demands, swinging his legs off the bed and standing. “When my father found out what my Words were, I had to convince him that my soulmate was going to be a girl who’d been identifying as lesbian. Which felt seven kinds of awful, because I’m gay and I couldn’t tell him and I don’t want to wind up with a girl and I’d never want to try to get someone who identified as a lesbian to wind up with me or any other guy even if I did like girls. I spent the whole time we unpacked today just hoping he hadn’t heard what you said, because I have no idea what he’s going to do when he finds out that I’m gay.” 

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” says Simon. 

“Why?” Baz replies. 

“For assuming, first of all,” says Simon. “I was acting like you were safe when you haven’t been, and that wasn’t fair to you. And I’m also sorry you can’t be out, even though that’s not my fault. It’s got to suck to not know how your parent will react to your identity.” 

Baz ducks his head, seeming mollified. “It does suck, yeah. Thanks.” 

It’s quiet for a few moments, and then Simon sits down on his bed and says, “So. We’re soulmates.” 

“I know,” says Baz. 

“And we’re roommates,” says Simon. 

“And I’m gay,” mumbles Baz. 

“Yeah? And?” Simon replies. 

“Just—I’ll understand if you want to move out. Like, I promise if you stay I won’t try to make things weird, but I understand that I’m gay and you’re not and—” 

“Baz,” says Simon, horrified. “I don’t know what I am because I haven’t thought much about it, but I know gay people aren’t inherently predatory or whatever. I’m not saying I definitely would never try to move out no matter what you pulled, but I’m not going to try to move out _now_. It’s fine. I mean, I’ve never been thrilled with my Words and I’m guessing you haven’t either, but that doesn’t mean I hate you.” 

“Oh,” says Baz. “So what’s your plan? We just live together and ignore the fact that we’re soulmates?”

“Do you have a better idea?” asks Simon, who honestly hadn’t even gotten that far in his thinking. 

“Not really,” says Baz. 

“Okay then,” Simon replies. 

Baz appears to gather himself, smoothing the front of his shirt and then checking his hair with one hand. Then he says, “Okay, if we’re living together, I should clarify some things. Don’t touch my things if you value your life. Don’t throw ragers in here. Don’t keep moldy food in the room. Don’t wake me up when I’m asleep . . .” The list of rules goes on for a while and Simon honestly isn’t sure he catches all of them, but he thinks he gets the gist—leave Baz the fuck alone. 

He can do that. It’s not what he’d pictured doing with his soulmate, when he’d been feeling more optimistic about the whole soulmate thing, but luckily he’s spent enough time feeling pessimistic about soulmates that he isn’t crushed by this turn of events. 

He and his soulmate are going to intentionally interact as little as possible while involuntarily living together. It’s not exactly the makings of a Hallmark movie, but it will do. It will have to do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz comes back to Watford from Thanksgiving break quieter and more snappish than ever before.

Baz comes back to Watford from Thanksgiving break quieter and more snappish than ever before. Which—he’d already been both quiet and snappish prior to Thanksgiving. It’s saying something that he’s even more so now. Simon is planning on ignoring it, but a few days after the end of break Baz starts in on him for not cleaning up the dirty snow he tracked in from outside and just doesn’t _stop_. It’s not unusual for Baz to get annoyed with Simon, but usually he manages to avoid the ultra-personal insults, and today he doesn’t. When Baz suggests it’s a good thing Simon’s parents never saw what a disappointment he grew up to be, Simon cuts in with a “Fuck you!” that’s loud enough that Baz stumbles back toward his own bed. The backs of his legs hit the mattress and he sits down hard. Then, to Simon’s shock, Baz covers his face with his hands and begins to cry. 

Simon is sorely tempted to ignore this, or even to keep yelling at Baz, but he’s said enough things in life that he hasn’t meant that it’s not hard to picture being in Baz’s position. So instead of just storming out and going to Penny’s room, Simon gets some paper towels from the bathroom and cleans up the dirty footprints that were the start of this whole fight, and then he comes and kneels in front of Baz’s bed. “Baz?” he says. 

“I’m sorry, Simon,” says Baz. “I’m sorry; you didn’t deserve that. I don’t actually think that about you, I promise.” 

“Good,” says Simon. “Thank you. Do you want to tell me what that was really about?”

“Ugh.” Baz scrubs a wrist across his eyes and says, “Not really, but I guess I owe you that after what I’ve said.” 

“You don’t have to tell me,” says Simon.

“No, I should,” says Baz. “It’s just . . . it’s still hard to even let myself think about, and I haven’t told anyone yet, and I just . . . I’m sorry. It’s coming out at you in ways I don’t mean it to.” 

Simon lays a hand on Baz’s knee, which is the easiest part of him to reach right now. “Baz, are you okay?”

Baz sighs. “Maybe? God, I’m being ridiculous. It’s not like I got disowned or anything. I just came out to my father and stepmother over Thanksgiving break, and my father didn’t take it well. I mean, it was fine. Like I said, he didn’t disown me. He just told me that he hoped I was mistaken because if I’m not mistaken then I’m going to hell.” Baz laughs bitterly. “I didn’t know he believed in hell. He’s never taken me to a service at any kind of house of worship even once in my life.” 

“It’s not ridiculous to be upset about that, Baz,” says Simon. “I don’t want you taking it out on me, but I understand being upset. That’s a horrible thing for a father to say.” 

“How are you so good to me, Simon?” Baz asks. “I’ve been awful to you since we got back from break, and I was never particularly good to you in the first place. So how can you respond to my nastiness with compassion?”

Simon shrugs. “I’ve gotten good at letting things roll off my back. I couldn’t break someone’s nose every time someone pissed me off or I’d have gotten myself arrested for assault by now.” 

“There’s a lot of space between breaking my nose and accepting my apology while expressing concern for my well-being.” 

Simon shrugs again. “Yeah, well, you’re my soulmate.” Then he looks down. “Sorry, was I not supposed to say that?”

“Don’t apologize,” says Baz. “You can absolutely say that. But I don’t want to get away with treating you badly because I’m your soulmate. The fact that we’re soulmates should make me treat you better, not worse.” 

“That makes sense,” says Simon. “And I do want you to treat me better. I don’t want you to say the kinds of things you said to me today. I think—I think things can be understandable without being good or right, and I think it’s understandable that you took your pain out on me, but I don’t think it was good or right, and I don’t want you to do it again.” 

“I won’t,” Baz whispers. 

“Okay,” says Simon. “Let me know if you need to talk, yeah?” 

“ _Why_ are you being so good to me?” Baz asks. 

“This is self-serving,” says Simon. “If you hadn’t told anyone what happened with your father before you told me, you probably don’t have a big support network, and that’s why you wound up taking things out on me. If I can be part of your support network rather than someone you take things out on, that sounds like a better solution.” 

“You shouldn’t have to,” says Baz. 

“I’m more concerned with what I can get, rather than with what I _should_ get,” says Simon. 

“That makes sense,” says Baz. “Still, I can . . . I can try to find someone else to talk to?”

“That sounds like a good idea,” says Simon. “Now are you going to be okay for tonight, or is there something else you need?”

“I’m good,” says Baz quietly. “Thank you.” 

So Simon gets his homework out of his backpack and starts studying. He glances over at Baz every now and then, but Baz really does seem to be okay, cleaning himself up with a few tissues and getting out his own books to study. 

Baz gets stressed during finals week and snaps at Simon a few times, but not with personal insults, and he apologizes shortly afterward, each time. All in all, it’s a big improvement over the previous three months and especially over the immediate aftermath of Thanksgiving break. Simon also occasionally comes back to the room to find Baz on Facetime, which wasn’t something that had ever happened before, so it seems like Baz is serious about trying to have a support network outside of Simon. Once, the night before the end of finals and the start of winter break, Baz asks Simon to watch a Christmas movie on Netflix with him to help him calm down about the fact that he’s going home the next day. They both sit crosswise on Baz’s bed to watch the movie—Simon’s grateful that his final tomorrow is for pre-calc, which he feels pretty confident about, so he doesn’t regret that he’s missing studying time. 

And then it’s winter break. Simon finds out he’s passed all his classes. Penny’s on the Dean’s List, which isn’t at all surprising. Baz makes the Dean’s List, too, which surprises Simon a little—he sees Baz study a lot in their room, and Penny has said she sees Baz in the library a lot, and of course Baz seems intelligent, but Simon just didn’t know what to expect until the list came out. But it turns out his soulmate is a good student and can perform well academically even when dealing with familial homophobia. 

And then second semester starts, and suddenly Baz and Simon have remarkably similar schedules. They’re not in any of the same classes, which isn’t surprising considering Baz is double-majoring in music and classics while Simon is majoring in environmental studies, but most of their classes are at the same times, and each of them only has one class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Baz has a Latin seminar at 12:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and Simon has a field biology class at the same time, and both of them have the whole morning free. They start watching Netflix together on Monday and Wednesday nights, since they can afford to sleep in on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and it’s . . . nice. It certainly doesn’t feel like a fucking disaster. 

Simon starts looking forward to Monday and Wednesday nights, watching movies with Baz. He starts looking forward to coming back to the room after classes and getting to check in with Baz about how his day is going. He starts looking forward to falling asleep to the sound of Baz breathing across the room. He starts looking for excuses to talk to Baz more, to spend more time with Baz, to touch Baz’s arm or his hand or his shoulder or his back. 

Oh, fuck. Is Simon falling for Baz? 

One Wednesday night in April, as Simon settles on Baz’s bed while Baz pulls up Netflix, Simon says, “Baz? Do you still believe my Words? That this is going to be a fucking disaster?”

Baz’s hands still and he looks at Simon immediately, hurt clear on his face. “No, Simon, of course not. This is—I thought this was going well. Do you not feel that way? Have I done something wrong?”

“No,” says Simon. “No, Baz, definitely not. I just—we haven’t talked about our Words in a while, or really the soulmate thing at all . . .” 

“Do you want to?” Baz asks. “I kind of figured my Words were still true—that you’d been hoping it would be a girl.” 

“Baz, I said I _thought_ it was going to be a girl, not that I _hoped_ it would be,” says Simon. “And we’ve been over this. I was just surprised. I hadn’t thought about my orientation. But I’ve been thinking about it more, and I think—I think I’m bisexual.” It feels big to say it out loud. Simon hasn’t said it before, not even to Penny. He’s been thinking about telling her, and he probably will tell her soon, but he’s been wanting to tell Baz first, on the off-chance that Baz likes him back.

“Really?” Baz asks quietly. 

“Yeah,” says Simon. “I don’t want to make the whole roommate thing awkward, but I think—I think I like you, Baz.” 

“Oh, thank God,” says Baz, taking Simon’s hand in his. Then he freezes. “Wait, you did mean that romantically, right?”

“Yes, absolutely,” says Simon. “Do you—do you like me back?”

“So much, Simon. So much.” Baz starts leaning toward Simon and then asks, “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” Simon replies. 

Baz’s lips are unbelievably smooth as they press against Simon’s, working for a few seconds before his tongue starts teasing Simon’s lips open. Simon opens his mouth into Baz’s, and their tongues graze each other lightly. They keep kissing for a while, mouths working against one another, but at last Baz pulls back and says, “Sorry, I think I should put my laptop away.” He’s a little out of breath, and Simon grins at him. 

“No problem, darling,” says Simon. 

Baz sets his laptop on his desk and then pinches himself. “Am I dreaming? I never thought you’d call me that.” 

“What, ‘darling’?”

“Yeah,” says Baz. “I’ve been daydreaming about that for a while, but I never thought I had a chance.” 

“Oh, Baz,” says Simon. “Of course you have a chance.” 

“You’ve always been better than I’ve deserved,” says Baz. “I’m sorry I gave you such shitty Words, and I’m sorry for how mean I was to you last semester.” 

“I’m sorry _I_ gave _you_ such shitty Words,” Simon replies. 

Baz shakes his head. “Don’t apologize for that. You’ve always been good to me, since we met, and it’s not your fault you couldn’t explore your orientation earlier in life.” He kisses Simon on the cheek. 

“We’re doing this, right?” Simon asks.

“Absolutely,” says Baz. “As long as you want to.” 

“Definitely,” says Simon, leaning in to kiss Baz again.


End file.
